Set: Single, domestic set; a living/dining room.
Synopsis: Bernard's wife, best friend and daughter are gathered to surprise him with a party on his birthday, but it's his ex-wife who walks in first. Some hard truths are
exchanged but, in the end, it's Bernard who surprises them all.
Running time: Around 30 minutes (Caution! This is very dependent on your production.)
Notes: 'Parties are fertile ground for the playwright, and it's always a pleasure to write a part like Ginny who has a nice line in withering put-downs. The play started with the
germ of an idea about the blackouts that people like to employ when they hold surprise parties for their friends. What if there were several of these throughout the play, I
thought, but when the lights come on again the result is never as we expect?
Bernard himself, who is mentioned repeatedly throughout the play, is the first title character I have ever written who has just one word to say. That should make the prompt's
job a little easier...'
Published: 2008
First Produced: Tarrystone Players, 2008
Latest Production: Wilmslow Guild Players, 2011
SAMPLE SCENE
Patricia: I just can’t believe she forgot your Dad’s birthday. I mean, not even a card.
Margaret: I’m sure she had her reasons. Maybe she had something important on.
Patricia: Well, it is Thursday, I suppose. It’s her day at the clinic. To keep her topped up, she says. She asked me to go with her last month to have some Bo-tox. Just after
shed had that facelift.
Liz: You didn't go did you?
Patricia: I told her I was ill. Mind you, I got it in the neck later when she caught me out shopping. It’s like she’s got eyes in the back of her head.
Margaret: She has any more facelifts, she will have eyes in the back of her head.
Patricia: The worst of it is, it’s all Bernard’s money. She made sure she got a good settlement, I’ll tell you that.
Margaret: That's just terrible. Anyone would think that she was in the right.
Patricia: Well, that’s her legal training, you see. She made it look like Bernard had driven her away. That’s why she got the house and we, well, we ended up here. Sorry
Liz. That’s the last I’ll say of her.
(A pause.)
Patricia: It wouldn’t be so bad if she actually put it to good use instead of all this ‘nip and tuck’ and alternative therapy.
Synopsis: Bernard's wife, best friend and daughter are gathered to surprise him with a party on his birthday, but it's his ex-wife who walks in first. Some hard truths are
exchanged but, in the end, it's Bernard who surprises them all.
Running time: Around 30 minutes (Caution! This is very dependent on your production.)
Notes: 'Parties are fertile ground for the playwright, and it's always a pleasure to write a part like Ginny who has a nice line in withering put-downs. The play started with the
germ of an idea about the blackouts that people like to employ when they hold surprise parties for their friends. What if there were several of these throughout the play, I
thought, but when the lights come on again the result is never as we expect?
Bernard himself, who is mentioned repeatedly throughout the play, is the first title character I have ever written who has just one word to say. That should make the prompt's
job a little easier...'
Published: 2008
First Produced: Tarrystone Players, 2008
Latest Production: Wilmslow Guild Players, 2011
SAMPLE SCENE
Patricia: I just can’t believe she forgot your Dad’s birthday. I mean, not even a card.
Margaret: I’m sure she had her reasons. Maybe she had something important on.
Patricia: Well, it is Thursday, I suppose. It’s her day at the clinic. To keep her topped up, she says. She asked me to go with her last month to have some Bo-tox. Just after
shed had that facelift.
Liz: You didn't go did you?
Patricia: I told her I was ill. Mind you, I got it in the neck later when she caught me out shopping. It’s like she’s got eyes in the back of her head.
Margaret: She has any more facelifts, she will have eyes in the back of her head.
Patricia: The worst of it is, it’s all Bernard’s money. She made sure she got a good settlement, I’ll tell you that.
Margaret: That's just terrible. Anyone would think that she was in the right.
Patricia: Well, that’s her legal training, you see. She made it look like Bernard had driven her away. That’s why she got the house and we, well, we ended up here. Sorry
Liz. That’s the last I’ll say of her.
(A pause.)
Patricia: It wouldn’t be so bad if she actually put it to good use instead of all this ‘nip and tuck’ and alternative therapy.
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THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT BERNARD (Click the title to read the whole script online at Lazy Bee Scripts)
WINNER, DUNVEGAN PLAYERS, PHILIP ROSE BOWL, SCOTTISH ONE ACT PLAY FESTIVAL, 2010.
'We really enjoyed rehearsals and had some laughs with it!' Stretham Players, Ely.
'Thanks so much for the fun we had!' Teignmouth Players.
Cast: 1m, 4f
BERNARD, 50s or older. The eponymous hero who has just one word at the end! (Bonus points for guessing what it is...)
PATRICIA, 50s or older. Bernard's current wife, an unassuming woman.
LIZ, 20s or 30s. Bernard's daughter by Ginny. She still bears the scars from her parents' divorce.
MARGARET, 50s. An old friend of Bernard who still carries a torch for him.
GINNY, 50s or older. Bernard's first wife and mother to Liz. She's hard work, self-obsessed and refuses to grow old
gracefully.
WINNER, DUNVEGAN PLAYERS, PHILIP ROSE BOWL, SCOTTISH ONE ACT PLAY FESTIVAL, 2010.
'We really enjoyed rehearsals and had some laughs with it!' Stretham Players, Ely.
'Thanks so much for the fun we had!' Teignmouth Players.
Cast: 1m, 4f
BERNARD, 50s or older. The eponymous hero who has just one word at the end! (Bonus points for guessing what it is...)
PATRICIA, 50s or older. Bernard's current wife, an unassuming woman.
LIZ, 20s or 30s. Bernard's daughter by Ginny. She still bears the scars from her parents' divorce.
MARGARET, 50s. An old friend of Bernard who still carries a torch for him.
GINNY, 50s or older. Bernard's first wife and mother to Liz. She's hard work, self-obsessed and refuses to grow old
gracefully.
Richard James / Actor & Playwright
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| Something About Bernard |
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